In So Much Like

we started talking April 6.
we met on April 7.

first kiss was April 8. 

 got my girlfriend status May 21.

Brandon really just makes me so annoyingly happy. he's sweet and funny and has enough oddball in him to set off my own weirdnesses. the first time I cooked for him (he can't cook) was hilarious... he'd never touched raw bacon before and had no idea it was so slimy. the other night we managed to both be hit by insomnia... it's far less boring when you've someone to share it with! and after just ten minutes of withholding kisses, I made him make me his. he'd been wanting to do this to my tattoo, so I allowed it...

And It Started Out So Promising...

I'm still gonna call this the "Eragon Series" even though the technical name is apparently the "Inheritance Cycle" but I think that sounds stupid. and since the first book was called Eragon, it makes plenty of sense for me to say it that way.

the Eragon series was recommended to me when I was looking for something new to read. I was told that the first book started out slow, took more than a hundred pages before anything started happening. but I felt sucked it pretty fast. I didn't find it epic or anything, but I did find myself curious about what would happen next. and I definitely enjoyed reading it. the second book I enjoyed even more. I loved getting to find out about all the things going on once Eragon left his hometown, as the first book was told entirely from his perspective. I thought it was fun getting another story.

but then the third book happened. I felt the story started being told from too many perspectives, and none of them were from the point of view of any that I was genuinely curious to find out more about. the love stories which I found interesting at first instead became tedious, and I felt as though they were being forced down my throat. the story began to get pointlessly longer. there was a whole bunch of words that went on for pages and pages, with absolutely nothing happening. I was able to skip entire chunks of paragraphs that were in Elven or Dwarvish. the ending redeemed the overall story eventually, but getting there was torture.

the final book in the series followed much the same pattern. at this point, I'm tired of hearing about the perfect Arya and the unbeatable Roran and the misfit Eragon feels to be. Nasuada finally gets a semi-decent storyline, but the introduction of the villain at last was underwhelming. the culmination of the story felt incredibly drawn-out and then just suddenly over. I didn't understand how there were so many pages left, or how any of it had come about. and then it just all got so annoyingly cheesy. I was honestly just hoping everyone would die.

I couldn't not find out how it all ended after such an enjoyable beginning, but I wouldn't recommend this series to anyone. I find myself glad it's over.

Oh the Joy of Insecurity

I think I may be too insecure for the dating world. every time a boy stops texting me back... it tortures me. I start to wonder what I did wrong. and I punish myself for screwing everything up. and sometimes it's nothing. but sometimes, it's been five freaking days since we parted, and I haven't gotten a single text since. I don't know what my plans are tonight. I'm supposed to go see a boy Thursday nights, but I haven't heard from him since Saturday and I'm beginning to take it personally. I really like him, I don't want to write him off already. but I don't have the time to waste sitting around and wondering.

I know I don't need a boy to make me happy. but they add to my happiness. and I don't need a boy to make me miserable. but they seem to be so good at it anyway. I just want someone to share my laughs and tears with. is that so much to ask?

Perceptions of Self-Injury

I watch a lot of television. Too much, honestly. I watch Buffy with my mother. Honestly, the most painful thing for me on the show is in the first episode of the series, when Buffy lands on her back along the side of a tomb and bends in half basically. Every time I see that, I cringe. (I'm also shudder-y towards ankle injuries, having a weak ankle myself and knowing how much it hurts.) However, the one scene in the entire seven seasons of the show that makes my mom say "ow!" every single time we watch it, is when a young man is carving a demon's initial into his arm. All the pain, the fights, the stitches, the broken bones, the eye gouging, the flaying in the show and my mom is most turned off by someone who inflicts the pain himself.

Pick Your Battles

Being happy now, and living my life, and having nothing but options in front of me, I am absolutely amazed

at how long I spent fighting for a relationship I never wanted to be a part of in the first place.

Washed Out

Tonight

I begin writing my memoir.

Again.

And I currently am unable to find a poem I wish to include.