Love With Food: November

It's been a while since I've posted about Love With Food, a wonderful program that for $10/month, you get a selection of  healthy food samples and a meal gets donated to a hungry person in America. And I've been keeping up with it, perhaps the one subscription that I do keep up with, just because it's been for a good cause and I don't feel bad for spending money on food, something I need to get by in life (unlike say, shoes). That said, the last few months, I wasn't overly impressed with what I got in the last few boxes. I did get to try one thing I'd seen in the store but had been to scared to try, and was pleased to find that I liked it. But I got several items of food that were flat-out unbearable, both of sweet and savory natures. I'd take one bite and not be able to go on. There were several things I just haven't known what the heck to do with them. I wish items like that came with recipe suggestions. I was losing faith, and then I got my November box.

I took my box to Kendra's to open it, and the first thing I tore into was the Sweet Potato Chips. Because for the past three years, I have hated all things sweet potato, but I know she's generally a fan. I actually really liked them, and she said they were better than ones she'd tried before. Then we warily tried the Sweet Corn Crunch. It was literally just dried corn, and it was a little weird, but it was so tasty, even Elena didn't mind sharing with us. Definitely a good snack. And lastly we tried the Tuxedo Popcorn, which I was especially excited about, as it hails from Seattle. Every bit as good as it sounds. I love sweet popcorn that's not too sweet.

At home with my momma the first thing we tried was the Rosemary & Pink Sea Salt Shortbread Cookies. They smelled very strongly, but tasted just like regular lovely shortbread cookies, and we were both pleased with them. Then we split the Apricot & Almond Bar, which she was just so-so about, but I loved it. It's so hard to eat snack bars and feel healthy, but it wasn't too sweet, and it had good flavor. Lastly, we each had a piece of dark chocolate. Not as sweet as we were used to. Good, but we prefer our Hershey's.

The Thai chicken seasoning was delicious! I was so thankful for the recipe on the back of the packet, just so I'd have some idea what to do with it. I didn't entirely follow the recipe (1/2 cup ginger? are they crazy?) and just improvised here and there, but I think I made a fairly good dish. I didn't get any complaints to my face from Brandon, Shawn, or Kendra, so hey.

The only thing I wasn't really fond of was the Maple Fudge. I sent the tea off to my darling Holly, a far truer tea connoisseur than I could ever hope to be.

Thankful This Morning

I am not pleased to be up at nearly six in the morning. Perhaps if it were summer, but it's still dark out, and I really feel I ought to be sleeping. And in four hours, I'll be ready to help my mommy in the kitchen with Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sure this is the first I've ever helped with, and I haven't a clue what I'm doing, other than making bread for breakfast. But as long as I'm unable to sleep...

• I'm thankful I have a boyfriend who lets me wake him up in the middle of the night for silly things. Usually, it's that his computer has started talking and I don't know how to make it shut up and how can he expect me to get back to sleep when it's freaking out like that. Right now, it's that at 4am I said, excuse me, Mr. Six-Foot-Six, but Five-Foot-Three is getting claustrophobic and could you please give me some leg room even though clearly you need it more and I'm just insane? Awesome, thanks. Even though I feet bad that I wasn't able to get back to sleep and so I disturbed him for nothing and I only hope he won't remember the ordeal or have cramped legs in the mornings.
• I'm thankful I've always got a roof over my head and food in my belly. Especially since I ask of it from a lot of people. All four of my parents, my boyfriend, my best friend and her family. They're always saying, sure sleep here, and eat all this food while you're at it. I feel like such a burden on them all at times.
• I'm thankful that when I needed a new car this year, I had the means to actually buy one, through work and savings. And even though I'm not working enough right now to even cover my monthly car insurance bill, I've got a savings to get me through until things pick back up for me. 
• I'm thankful I was able to continue my education this year, again through a savings my daddy kept for me for many years (for which I'm thankful also I have simply had the self-control not to waste on frivolous things). I've not been very good at finishing the program, but my teacher has been wonderful and worked with me and my youthful ways of preferring to seeing my boyfriend to hunting down torture victims all week. I've got more testing to do, and I'd really love more practical hours even if I don't need them anymore. Still, I've learned a new skill, and I hope to someday actually feel competent in it. If I finish proper certification, I can do this wherever life may lead me.
• I'm thankful that this year, I was able to keep my eating issues mostly in check. I went on one super-restrictive diet in mid-January, probably eating no more than 600 calories a day, which has left my stomach shrunken this entire year to where I still can't eat very much (it used to be I'd starve and it'd shrink up, but when I started bingeing again, it would quickly allow me to eat enough to compete with many college boys). I can't say I'm sad about this, as I feel it offers me a certain amount of portion control that a lot of the country lacks... even if I did date one guy who claimed his 6- and 8-year old daughters could eat more than me. I also couldn't tell you where this new found ability to remain healthy comes from. Did I gain confidence when I finally started dating, something I'd never really tried before? Doubtful when you consider some of the rejection I felt. Is it because I just decided to be healthy at last, tired of the inner melodrama? Again, doubtful. If only because I know that no one can "cure" themselves. Most likely, I've simply hit a recession for a while. I still call myself a fat pig almost any time I eat but I'll enjoy this ability to do it without anger while I've got it.
• Hand-in-hand with eating issues, I'm thankful my self-injury is also gone for the time being. This was definitely harder early this year, when boys kept rejecting me. After one guy stopped replying to me, my legs were black and blue, punishing myself for whatever I did wrong. I needed to place blame, and since they weren't around anymore, that only left me. I think being in a stable relationship now though is just a small part of its current disappearance. I think the main reason it's stepped into the background is simply my ability to eat without feeling the need to punish myself for doing so.
• Despite all my roaring insecurities, I'm thankful to know that I'm actually a fairly attractive person. It's shallow, yes, but we live in a world where beauty is valued far more than brains (although I've got myself plenty of smarts, even if they're not all the most useful smarts). You need to have looks to get by in this world, it seems. I know I'm not stunning or drop-dead gorgeous by any means, but I'm cute, verging on pretty. And also despite insecurities, I'm thankful that I can leave my home on a daily basis without piling on a pound of makeup. I like to play around with it every now and then, but I know I don't need it to make me pretty.
• I'm thankful for Brandon in general. Above I was just thankful he sleeps through anything and feeds me. But he's so much more than that. When I met him, I learned real fast why things didn't work out with the other boys I dated this year. With Brandon, it felt natural right away. He thinks I'm beautiful and constantly tells me so, and while I brush it off, I appreciate it. He lets me correct his spelling, actually asks me to do it! He deals with all my lame jokes (and I make a LOT of them). When I need a concert buddy for someone he's never heard of, he's right there driving and then standing next to me. As I said above, he feeds me! And not being able to eat very much in one sitting, I want to be fed every few hours. I'm sure it's hard to keep up with sometimes, especially since I'm hungry first thing in the morning, and he's not. He's supportive of me trying to get healthy, and encourages me to work out, not to lose weight as is my usual goal, but to build something on my body that resembles muscle. Honestly, he's just supportive of me through-and-through. He's always there for me when I need someone, and he's become my best friend.
• I'm thankful for my long-time best friend, Kendra. She's been there for me for the last year and a half like I don't even deserve. She mended my broken heart last year, and this year she's just been there constantly for me with advice and company. It's so nice just having her to talk to while we watch tv all day, and I know I can trust her with anything. I'm so happy for her this year, and grateful she let me be a part of her wedding.
• The rest of my friends, I'm thankful for you too, even if we don't talk often and see each other even less. You're all important to me, and to those of you I do talk to regularly, I'm especially thankful for you.
• I'm thankful for my family. I know it goes without saying, but I am. My parents put up with a lot from me, and they really don't have to. My younger brothers let me pick on them as if I would actually stand a chance if they fought back. My cousins always give me entertaining glimpses into their lives on Facebook. I don't see a few of you as often as I'd like, and I know that's my fault too. Still, some people have a lot less in their lives.

It's taken me an hour and a half to write this, I've so much to be thankful for. And I've been trying to shop for my nephews even though I haven't seen one in a year and a half, and the other never at all, and the last time my older brother emailed me was last Christmas when I asked what the heck to get the boys. Still, like I said, I thankful for my family, every one.

Mrs. Smith

 

she found "the one"

My best friend of ten years got engaged in April to the man she'd been with for three & a half years, the father of her adorable little girl. I was driving around downtown Olympia with Brandon when she called and said "you KNEW?!?!" (he'd shown me the ring the night before) and then chastised me for not telling her. Although if I had told, she'd probably have been pissed beyond words that I spoiled the surprise, because as much as she wanted it, she wasn't expecting it.

And so the next three months were hectic. Dress shopping for her, dress shopping for us girls, her shoes, our shoes. Or lordy, our shoes! My small feet were the woe of trying to get us to match, and eventually we gave up on that all together. The bridal shower, the shopping, the bachelorette party, the getting people to respond to our invitations.

bridal party at bridal shower

The rehearsal dinner was fun, but I definitely wasn't feeling confident about what the hell I was supposed to be doing. And I probably bitched just a little too much about being hungry. But hey, I was.

here comes the bride

Then came time to get ready for the wedding and I showed up almost right on time. I'll blame my chauffeur for my tardiness. But the fact that the woman who was supposed to do our hair and makeup never showed up, that is inexcusable. We were so lucky to find someone willing to help us last minute. When you consider that we got started on getting ready three hours later, I was really annoyed when people started asking us when we were starting. 

We weren't even a whole hour late in starting the wedding.

getting married!

As soon as we headed down the stairs to line up for the procession, the nerves hit. My best friend was really about to get married. But I felt like I did okay. I walked down the aisle without tripping, and without giggling my head off. Of course, as soon as my Kendra walked out, the tears started falling down my face. Thank goodness everyone was looking at her!

The ceremony was rather short... but it was far better than sitting through an excruciatingly long one. And even though they had silly little things they did (I mean that in an endearing way guys, really!), it was still absolutely lovely. Russ did a wonderful job barely tripping over his words.

matron of honor, maid of honor, bride, groom, best man, groomsman

And of course, the reception was a blast. I managed not to cry during my toast, and gave everyone a good laugh with Kendra's note from high school ("I'm not a pinhead who likes Shawn anymore so hahaha!), but was shaking like a leaf for 20 minutes afterwards. I am going to have a hard time forgiving the DJ for getting me excited for the Macarena and then cutting it off and never letting me dance it.

PS, guess who caught the bouquet and garter?

Elena's First Birthday Party

 

 

Together We Created These Scars

it’s been more than three years now since I was in San Francisco with Holly, and she and I got our dermal anchors. we both got two, parallel to our collarbones. hers on the left, mine on the right. both of hers rejected a while back, while only one of mine had. earlier this year, I knew I wouldn’t have mine much longer. anchors are a lot of upkeep, just keeping them from being caught on something. so I decided when my second one rejected, I would get Holly’s lips tattooed near them, like she was kissing the scars better. it’s been a few months since my second anchor got pried out, and this weekend, Holly made me several prints of her lips. last night, I took her lips to Electric Rose in Olympia, WA. and voila!

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