Thankful This Morning

I am not pleased to be up at nearly six in the morning. Perhaps if it were summer, but it's still dark out, and I really feel I ought to be sleeping. And in four hours, I'll be ready to help my mommy in the kitchen with Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sure this is the first I've ever helped with, and I haven't a clue what I'm doing, other than making bread for breakfast. But as long as I'm unable to sleep...

• I'm thankful I have a boyfriend who lets me wake him up in the middle of the night for silly things. Usually, it's that his computer has started talking and I don't know how to make it shut up and how can he expect me to get back to sleep when it's freaking out like that. Right now, it's that at 4am I said, excuse me, Mr. Six-Foot-Six, but Five-Foot-Three is getting claustrophobic and could you please give me some leg room even though clearly you need it more and I'm just insane? Awesome, thanks. Even though I feet bad that I wasn't able to get back to sleep and so I disturbed him for nothing and I only hope he won't remember the ordeal or have cramped legs in the mornings.
• I'm thankful I've always got a roof over my head and food in my belly. Especially since I ask of it from a lot of people. All four of my parents, my boyfriend, my best friend and her family. They're always saying, sure sleep here, and eat all this food while you're at it. I feel like such a burden on them all at times.
• I'm thankful that when I needed a new car this year, I had the means to actually buy one, through work and savings. And even though I'm not working enough right now to even cover my monthly car insurance bill, I've got a savings to get me through until things pick back up for me. 
• I'm thankful I was able to continue my education this year, again through a savings my daddy kept for me for many years (for which I'm thankful also I have simply had the self-control not to waste on frivolous things). I've not been very good at finishing the program, but my teacher has been wonderful and worked with me and my youthful ways of preferring to seeing my boyfriend to hunting down torture victims all week. I've got more testing to do, and I'd really love more practical hours even if I don't need them anymore. Still, I've learned a new skill, and I hope to someday actually feel competent in it. If I finish proper certification, I can do this wherever life may lead me.
• I'm thankful that this year, I was able to keep my eating issues mostly in check. I went on one super-restrictive diet in mid-January, probably eating no more than 600 calories a day, which has left my stomach shrunken this entire year to where I still can't eat very much (it used to be I'd starve and it'd shrink up, but when I started bingeing again, it would quickly allow me to eat enough to compete with many college boys). I can't say I'm sad about this, as I feel it offers me a certain amount of portion control that a lot of the country lacks... even if I did date one guy who claimed his 6- and 8-year old daughters could eat more than me. I also couldn't tell you where this new found ability to remain healthy comes from. Did I gain confidence when I finally started dating, something I'd never really tried before? Doubtful when you consider some of the rejection I felt. Is it because I just decided to be healthy at last, tired of the inner melodrama? Again, doubtful. If only because I know that no one can "cure" themselves. Most likely, I've simply hit a recession for a while. I still call myself a fat pig almost any time I eat but I'll enjoy this ability to do it without anger while I've got it.
• Hand-in-hand with eating issues, I'm thankful my self-injury is also gone for the time being. This was definitely harder early this year, when boys kept rejecting me. After one guy stopped replying to me, my legs were black and blue, punishing myself for whatever I did wrong. I needed to place blame, and since they weren't around anymore, that only left me. I think being in a stable relationship now though is just a small part of its current disappearance. I think the main reason it's stepped into the background is simply my ability to eat without feeling the need to punish myself for doing so.
• Despite all my roaring insecurities, I'm thankful to know that I'm actually a fairly attractive person. It's shallow, yes, but we live in a world where beauty is valued far more than brains (although I've got myself plenty of smarts, even if they're not all the most useful smarts). You need to have looks to get by in this world, it seems. I know I'm not stunning or drop-dead gorgeous by any means, but I'm cute, verging on pretty. And also despite insecurities, I'm thankful that I can leave my home on a daily basis without piling on a pound of makeup. I like to play around with it every now and then, but I know I don't need it to make me pretty.
• I'm thankful for Brandon in general. Above I was just thankful he sleeps through anything and feeds me. But he's so much more than that. When I met him, I learned real fast why things didn't work out with the other boys I dated this year. With Brandon, it felt natural right away. He thinks I'm beautiful and constantly tells me so, and while I brush it off, I appreciate it. He lets me correct his spelling, actually asks me to do it! He deals with all my lame jokes (and I make a LOT of them). When I need a concert buddy for someone he's never heard of, he's right there driving and then standing next to me. As I said above, he feeds me! And not being able to eat very much in one sitting, I want to be fed every few hours. I'm sure it's hard to keep up with sometimes, especially since I'm hungry first thing in the morning, and he's not. He's supportive of me trying to get healthy, and encourages me to work out, not to lose weight as is my usual goal, but to build something on my body that resembles muscle. Honestly, he's just supportive of me through-and-through. He's always there for me when I need someone, and he's become my best friend.
• I'm thankful for my long-time best friend, Kendra. She's been there for me for the last year and a half like I don't even deserve. She mended my broken heart last year, and this year she's just been there constantly for me with advice and company. It's so nice just having her to talk to while we watch tv all day, and I know I can trust her with anything. I'm so happy for her this year, and grateful she let me be a part of her wedding.
• The rest of my friends, I'm thankful for you too, even if we don't talk often and see each other even less. You're all important to me, and to those of you I do talk to regularly, I'm especially thankful for you.
• I'm thankful for my family. I know it goes without saying, but I am. My parents put up with a lot from me, and they really don't have to. My younger brothers let me pick on them as if I would actually stand a chance if they fought back. My cousins always give me entertaining glimpses into their lives on Facebook. I don't see a few of you as often as I'd like, and I know that's my fault too. Still, some people have a lot less in their lives.

It's taken me an hour and a half to write this, I've so much to be thankful for. And I've been trying to shop for my nephews even though I haven't seen one in a year and a half, and the other never at all, and the last time my older brother emailed me was last Christmas when I asked what the heck to get the boys. Still, like I said, I thankful for my family, every one.

Accidental Picture

I label this post with "photography" simply because I took photos and nothing else really applies to them, but let's face it... this is nothing of the sort. And more annoyingly, no matter how many times I try to rotate the pictures to face the same direction, they won't. I've taken and rotated pictures before, but these ones seem to hate me, so the perspective is perhaps extra screw this time around. It's all about perspective anyway, I suppose. The first picture is just one I took of a corner in my boyfriend's room to show what it "really" looks like in there. The second is one I took a couple weeks before, quite by mistake. After waking up from a nap and checking my phone, I somehow went into my camera and accidentally snapped this picture. And I've no idea how it turned out so strange. Perhaps I had the flash on for that one, and not the other. Still, something about it puzzles me immensely, so I like it.

For the Lives That I Fake

Last week, I got to go to Seattle to see The Pretty Reckless live in concert. Well, it was more of a show. I think I overuse the word concert. I definitely prefer shows, even if sometimes I just want to sit down. I was lucky to have my boyfriend drive & tag along with me to what I could only describe as "angry girl rock" and I'm so glad he's so accommodating of me. I wasn't in a rush to get there "on time" as previous experience has shown me this does little good. We had a hell of a time navigating the stupid one-way streets, and it took us more than five minutes to get to the club that could have been easily spotted from the off-ramp we took had we known it was there. 

Half an hour after the doors opened, we finally wandered on in, and the first thing I did was start scoping the location of the merch booth. When Brandon finally located it, I plopped myself in the nice, short line and got myself a basic black tee with the name and the Going to Hell logo on it. In retrospect, I wish I'd waited til the end of the show, as I did get a touch tired hold it the whole time.

The opening band was Louna, a female-fronted Russian band. I'm sure if loud rock was my kind of music in the first place, I'd have really liked them, but since I'm basically a country girl through and through, the music didn't do much for me. Another problem I had, with both bands in general is that this type of music, if you don't know the words, there's almost no way in hell you're going to understand 90% of the words anyway. As Brandon pointed out, he basically got the lines that were repeated a lot, but not much more. I missed basically all of Heaven's Basement, as I was getting severely overheated and had to step outside the bar for their performance.

Finally, at 10:30, here came my girl. I know you can't always take a fan's word on someone they adore so much, but Taylor looked beautiful on stage. The "raccoon eyes" that so many people still seem to have a problem with really suit her in person, I promise. Now, we were standing near the back of the lower section (about 35-40 feet away), as I've got a tall boyfriend who was considerate enough not to go around view-blocking. While the room seemed to be filled with all sorts of people, most of them were skinny or just average, and somehow I got the two widest people in the entire audience standing in front of me once the main show started. Step where I may, I had a hard time getting a view.

An iPhone camera isn't really the best in the first place, and from as "far" back as I was, I had to use full zoom, so yes, the pictures are on the fuzzy side. And I took plenty with my hands stretched as far up as they could go. Moving lights and people, plus Taylor busily rocking all over the stage didn't leave me with a lot of good shots. Still, I enjoyed the show, more than some people I fear. Yes, I took pictures galore, but I waited until after the show to get online with them. It made me sad seeing people tweeting and instagramming the second they took pictures, when Taylor was still on stage singing her heart out for us.

Taylor was a giant tease at the end of Cold Blooded, and had to keep revving up our cheer for more than five minutes before the final word and jams of the song. I admit she was right, we were pretty tame for a rock crowd. Then again, I've never been part of a rock crowd, and probably won't be again, and I was still recovering from a cold. Even when I was trying to scream, my voice was a little on the weak side. On another sad note, being so far back, I didn't get to see any of the writhing on the ground that Taylor's famous for, nor her panties when she lifted her shirt.

The highlight of the show for me though was between Miss Nothing and Going Down when there was just music, Taylor went over and took a drumstick from Jamie, banged it around a few times on the drum, and without even looking back, chucked that drumstick at the crowd. Everyone in front of us ducked to avoid losing an eye, and Brandon had to step quickly to the side. It bounced off the wall we were leaning against and landed on an empty space of the floor in front of us. Darling boyfriend that he is, Brandon bent the hell over, grabbed it before anyone else could, and handed it to me. It says The Pretty Reckless on it, as well as Jamie's name, plus it has marks all up and down it, and was briefly used by Taylor Momsen herself. Definitely the best souvenir I've walked away with from any show I've been to.

For all my pictures on a public Facebook gallery, click here.

PS. Possibly the cutest thing ever was at the end before the final "title track" song was just the look on Taylor's face as she said "ladies and gentlemen, you're all going to Hell!" I mean... she should work as a tour guide at a haunted house or something.

Brand Snob & I Don't Care

I honestly don't have a clue how I end up reading some of the things I end up reading in my day-to-day life, and it often leads me to having a lot of scattered facts about some idea or another. Of course I can't think of any examples right now, but if you mention something to me that I've read about in some way at some point, I could suddenly recall some useless information for you. So I can't tell you how I cam to be reading about the lingerie industry today (although I admit it probably didn't take much to lure me in, however it was done).

I learned some reasoning behind subscription sites (which I love in theory, but...) like AdoreMe and IntiMint (both of which I've ordered from) is that consumers are tired of the prices at Victoria's Secret, the unchanging styles at Victoria's Secret, the fact that you can't personalize the Victoria's Secret website to your personal needs and likes.

I also learned that in the beginning, Victoria's Secret didn't do so well. There was nothing to distinguish them from the cheaper brands. They're marketing geniuses, it seems (you know, unless you're offended by the whole thing, to which I say: whatever), but all that aside, there's still plenty of reasons I choose Victoria's Secret time and time again over these subscription sites.

1. consistent value. when I first signed up for IntiMint, it was just to get the 1$ bra, panty, and robe for getting others to sign up. since then, they have begun including more and more camis and tees on their site and bringing in "designer" underwear that costs infinite amounts more than the original bras and panties cost (I'm having this problem with all the Mint sites right now, to be honest, with perhaps JewelMint not being quite so bad), and none of the original good value options there were before. 
2. no bogus "showroom" page. okay, so it's fun to take the quizzes when you sign up for the subscription sites, and "find out" a little more about yourself. what irks me is that you mark your size - and you still get a showroom full of DD+ items. I understand if it's sold out in my size, but if it never came in my size, please get it out of my showroom. I really think across all sites, there's just one showroom, nothing has ever felt "special picked" just for me based on any sort of quiz results.
3. when you find something you like, why change it? I found my perfect bra at Victoria's Secret nearly 5 years ago. good fit and perfectly comfortable. I own like, 8 of this bra in various colors and prints. when I try other bras, they just don't feel the same for me. if I do get adventurous though, I like being able to try on a new style before I buy it, rather than having to deal with returns.
4. easier returns. don't ever return your Victoria's Secret mail orders by mail. shipping is deducted before your payment return. most of the subscription sites offer free shipping and returns, but I always find it a hassle to print out return labels, and waiting for a confirmation of return when something doesn't fit (this happened to me with AdoreMe... I thought I could wear a small, and it was too big, and of course, they don't have XS). I like being able to take an item that doesn't fit directly into the store... and then trying on a different size to make sure that one actually fits.
5. better quality. you get what you pay for. if you pay $50 for a bra, it's gonna last you. I still have the first of my favorite bras from Victoria's Secret and it still is in perfect shape. a little rougher for the wear I suppose, but I'm definitely ripping seams in my IntiMint pieces from the use they've gotten in the last year and a half. 
6. actual customer service. I just prefer talking to real people, having them be able to look at me when they make recommendations. I've never found anyone at Victoria's Secret to be anything other than helpful when I go in with a question, and they don't overload me with information.

I don't know, I really don't like the way that IntiMint has been going since it's launch, but I'm still a fan of AdoreMe most days. But I suppose deep down, I'm just a name brand girl who doesn't mind spending a few extra bucks for something I really love, rather than save and just get something I kinda like and might not even fit.

Happy Autumn

I've always been partial to Fall, for so many reasons. I'm a Fall baby, I love the colors of the changing leaves, Halloween pumpkin carving, and all the wonderful smells. The first indoor fires of the year, spilling out of chimneys. All the wonderful food for Thanksgiving. 

Mrs. Smith

 

she found "the one"

My best friend of ten years got engaged in April to the man she'd been with for three & a half years, the father of her adorable little girl. I was driving around downtown Olympia with Brandon when she called and said "you KNEW?!?!" (he'd shown me the ring the night before) and then chastised me for not telling her. Although if I had told, she'd probably have been pissed beyond words that I spoiled the surprise, because as much as she wanted it, she wasn't expecting it.

And so the next three months were hectic. Dress shopping for her, dress shopping for us girls, her shoes, our shoes. Or lordy, our shoes! My small feet were the woe of trying to get us to match, and eventually we gave up on that all together. The bridal shower, the shopping, the bachelorette party, the getting people to respond to our invitations.

bridal party at bridal shower

The rehearsal dinner was fun, but I definitely wasn't feeling confident about what the hell I was supposed to be doing. And I probably bitched just a little too much about being hungry. But hey, I was.

here comes the bride

Then came time to get ready for the wedding and I showed up almost right on time. I'll blame my chauffeur for my tardiness. But the fact that the woman who was supposed to do our hair and makeup never showed up, that is inexcusable. We were so lucky to find someone willing to help us last minute. When you consider that we got started on getting ready three hours later, I was really annoyed when people started asking us when we were starting. 

We weren't even a whole hour late in starting the wedding.

getting married!

As soon as we headed down the stairs to line up for the procession, the nerves hit. My best friend was really about to get married. But I felt like I did okay. I walked down the aisle without tripping, and without giggling my head off. Of course, as soon as my Kendra walked out, the tears started falling down my face. Thank goodness everyone was looking at her!

The ceremony was rather short... but it was far better than sitting through an excruciatingly long one. And even though they had silly little things they did (I mean that in an endearing way guys, really!), it was still absolutely lovely. Russ did a wonderful job barely tripping over his words.

matron of honor, maid of honor, bride, groom, best man, groomsman

And of course, the reception was a blast. I managed not to cry during my toast, and gave everyone a good laugh with Kendra's note from high school ("I'm not a pinhead who likes Shawn anymore so hahaha!), but was shaking like a leaf for 20 minutes afterwards. I am going to have a hard time forgiving the DJ for getting me excited for the Macarena and then cutting it off and never letting me dance it.

PS, guess who caught the bouquet and garter?

Love With Food, August

Last month, I was browsing the Swagbucks homepage looking for offers I could complete to make a few quick points. I don't do this very often because a lot of offers require me making payments, and I just don't think most of them are worth it. but then I saw the ad for Love with Food, which only credited 65 points (about 70 cents, maybe), but gave half off the first month and delivered food to my door. Being a member of many, many subscription services, I knew I'd be able to cancel easily, especially with my debit card expiring this month.

It seemed like a good deal to me. Even if I did like it, I felt no qualms about spending $12/month on food, because everyone needs food (unlike clothing sites I subscribe to, where I merely want). Plus, I saw that for every box I received, a meal would be donated to a hungry child in America. So, food and charity. I signed up, and last week, my first (of many!) box was delivered to my house. Inside were several little goodies, as well as a list of what they were and more about the products, as well as a couple of coupons. 

I didn't care for the taste of the mints (I prefer peppermint to spearmint), but I liked that for every tube, the makers plant a fruit tree. The snap pea crisps were just that, but something I enjoy anyway, so I was happy to have them. The potato chips started out as bland for me, but by the end of the bag, I was craving more. My pralines, unfortunately, were all melted together (sticky sweets in the mail in August?) but I loved them anyway. I was most excited to try the waffle cookie, as I was supposed to set it on top of my tea (well, I had coffee at the time, but I'd love to try it with tea) and let it soak up all the aroma, but somehow it fell in. So I didn't get to enjoy that to it's full extent. I will definitely think about getting some when I have the funds to try it again. I haven't yet had a chance to try the salsa, but I plan to split it with my mother sometime before the end of the week; nor have I had a chance with the spice rub, but I think seasoning meat is something my stepdad will have to do. My favorite thing was the fruit and nut mix. It was strange but tasty, with its sesame taste. Definitely will want more in the future.

My favorite thing about this box was all the new stuff it let me try. For $12 a month, I can try several new things with no commitment to something I may not care too much for. It'll help me expand my tastes (and perhaps others' as well, when I'm able to share), and getting a little something to look forward to each month. I also like that these products seems to be healthier than I'd normally go for on my own. And of course, I'll be giving a meal to a hungry child.